The Intrinsic Value of Life - An update about Guru

It’s been 3 months since I first started ‘working’ (for lack of a kinder term) with Guru and I could start this update gushing about all the beautiful progress and transformation that I’ve seen in him.

But I’m not, I’m going to first reveal something I haven’t revealed to anybody before, a somewhat dark thought about him that had been passing in and out of mind as of late.

If you are new to this story, see here and here to get caught up.

What’s the point?

Looking at Guru in his helpless state, at times I would silently wonder what point is there for him being alive. “He can’t walk. Can’t talk. Can’t use his body. He goes to the bathroom in his pants and is completely dependent on others for survival. Maybe it would have been better if he didn’t survive his birth.” It made me frustrated, angry even to think about these things (then I would get angry at myself for getting angry, as what kind of compassionate humanitarian harbors such sentiments? Surely a rotten one).

However, I quickly realized the reaction was associated with my own story of being a helpless newborn experiencing the soul splitting event of my parents’ divorce. Obviously, some part of me still, 32 years later, feels as if this was not right, that the abandonment was unfair, undeserved.

(I knew from the start that with a name like Guru, I was in for some work of my own.)

So I learned to breathe through the frustration—knowing that something unfinished in me was being activated—and consciously observe the feeling (as opposed to identify and buy into it), e.g., “Oh, here it is again. This is something from my past, it’s OK for it to be here and is not the truth of who I am.” Then the feeling, without being fed anything extra, would pass. Such is how to regulate your experience and avoid unnecessary seeking from without.

Here’s the news. I’m not perfect. Neither are you (yet). However, don’t let that fact stop you from doing your work. It’s in doing your work that you become perfected and there’s plenty of good in you (and me).

Getting to the root of it

The full resolution came late last week on a milestone day when we took Guru to visit an absolute angel of a caregiver, Vimalbhen, who specializes in Cerebral Palsy (CP) and works at a hospital that specializes in the treatment of children with severe disabilities. Note: bhen (sister) and bhai (brother) are attached to names here no matter what your relationship to the person is. You feel a difference when you say it this way too, as if you are acknowledging your true connection to the person. It’s neat how this practice is embedded into Indian culture without any pretense or should.

I’ve known from the beginning that Guru would need to work with a CP specialist because he has physical issues that can only be addressed by experts trained in the field. When I first met Guru, he was in a highly traumatized, dissociated (and malnourished) condition. So much so that fruitful work with a specialist, in my opinion, would not have been possible because of his poor, vegetable-like state of presence.

As I’ve said, the root of his process to better well being surrounded harmonizing the trauma from his birth so that he would learn to have some basic trust of this world, a world, when looked at a certain way, did him wrong by issuing a body that makes his experience of it difficult and restricted.

This is an issue of the soul or consciousness—the most fundamental aspect of who we are, the aspect that the healthy and harmonious functioning of our entire biology and psychology rests upon (and if you take it far enough, ultimately the healthy and harmonious functioning of our entire civilization). Traditional medicine, such as Jin Shin Jyutsu (what I practice), Ayurveda, or Shamanism works on this level—the level of the cause—which is why it’s so powerful, and also so mysterious.

Powerful because if you can harmonize cause, miraculous results can be seen in seemingly impossible situations like Guru’s. Mysterious because traditional medicine works on an invisible level, perceivable only through human intuition and insight.

A precious, monumental day

After pushing for an appointment with Vimalbhen for some time (in India you really do have to let go of your notion of what the right time is), it finally got scheduled. Guru’s mom, Indubhen, was to bring Guru to Manav Sadhna (local NGO I’m in collaboration with) and from there we would leave to visit the doctor.

In the morning, Manav Sadhna staff and volunteers gather for an all-religions prayer, meditation, and sharing session. I can’t describe the joy, amazement, and happiness I experienced when I opened my eyes after the prayer to see Guru, his baby brother, and mom sitting in the back of the room. I wasn’t expecting them, I thought they were coming a little later, but there they were.

Remember that when we started, Guru couldn’t really go outdoors because he was prone to have seizure-like fits. Now, 3 months later, there he was in Manav Sadhna on the Gandhi Ashram surrounded by about 30 people, after taking a one-hour rickshaw ride in 100 degree heat on crazy Indian streets. It gives me chills writing about it. Not because I think I’ve done a good job, no, but what a blessing, what a gift. His family had all but given up hope when we first met and look now, he took this long ride (a feat in itself) and was about to get checked out by one of the best CP specialists in the area.

Simply amazing.

I then had the great privilege of introducing Guru and his family to the Manav Sadhna family who quickly gathered around him and proceeded to love him (and his baby brother) up. This was such a precious moment for me because I am, for the most part, all alone in my field work and have only been able to share stories about Guru, his situation, and progress—this was an opportunity for everyone I know to have an in person experience.

We arrived at Vimalbhen’s office where she immediately made a heart-to-heart connection with Guru and got him smiling and laughing within the first few moments of their interaction. Here's a short clip of her feeding Guru a small piece of solid food that he did end up chewing and swallowing.

(I’ve seen this talent before in caregivers. It’s the ability to meet somebody exactly where they are, with full recognition and loving understanding of their situation. The ability to see the human being (and their suffering) inside that body in front of them. And it’s the ability to talk directly to somebody, rather than at them. May we all develop such valuable skills.)

As I was watching Vimalbhen talk and interact with Guru, that’s when I learned that life has intrinsic value. That’s when I clearly saw that there is worth to Guru’s life. That there was a beautiful purpose for his birth and how amazing is it that there are resources available for people with CP to learn how to be self-reliant. I credit Vimalbhen for this realization because it was in seeing her see Guru that I came to truly understand the deep, inner work he and his family are up to.

We all left that meeting on a high. Guru left with free health insurance for life, a special CP chair (the days of him lying supine all day are soon over), as well as a forthcoming treatment plan for his physical rehabilitation. In a sense, he’s lucky for the treatment plan because we were told his disability is as severe as it gets and that most hospitals wouldn’t work somebody his age so severely disabled—but this hospital is different, it has a big heart, and Vimalbhen is confident that good progress will be made.

This day also marked the beginning of the end of my work with Guru. He’s back in the here and now—happy even—and ready to start with a specialist. In addition, the wheezing-like noise he makes on each breath has nearly cleared. No doubt I will continue to see him for fine-tuning and maintenance as long as I am able, but the big piece of work that needed to happen between is now complete.

Small things with great love

There is a saying from Mother Teresa used frequently here, “We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”

If there is one thing I do well, it is in not harboring any predetermined agenda or desire to create some big result with those whom I serve. It is an error of the ego and mistake commonly made in the humanitarian world to want to heal, change, or fix something or someone (this kind of campaigning or activism is an outwardly projected desire for self that strips away dignity). I have yet to meet anybody or anything that needs healing, changing, or fixing from me—and that includes the world itself.

Ask yourself, “what in this moment is lacking?” The answer is always the same—nothing. This moment and all of its content is good, perfect, whole, and complete. Nothing is wrong. Everything is where it should be because it’s there. Bow to reality, surrender to reality, do not impose on reality. Never fear. Never worry. All is in order. All is well.

Such is the knowing that guides my service work.

My work with Guru over the past 3 months has been a steady flow of small, loving acts that step-by-step have culminated in the result you’ve read about today, a result that’s been waiting to hatch for some time. While there have been moments when I’ve doubted the greatness of my love, I think back to when I first met the boy and how deeply moved I was by his situation—this feeling has stayed with me ever since.

In following the movement of your heart and heeding the counsel of your intuition, you enter into communion with nature and nature always knows what is best, what change needs to happen, and what the right time for it is. This is the key to effortless living and inner fulfillment.

With Guru, a change was already wanting to happen, I simply helped facilitate its creation by listening to the call I received and then acting in the way I was informed to act. I didn’t do anything in the traditional sense—Guru and his family did all the work, they deserve all the credit.

Big tree, small axe

I have been seeing Guru twice per day during my weeks at the loving leper community and our sessions have continued to be in the presence of children, sometimes filled with laughter (or screams of his baby brother), sometimes silent, sometimes filled with movement, sometimes not so much. Nothing really special happens when we’re together other than our shared togetherness of being on a special journey.

However, each session has been like a small chip away at the dam impeding Guru’s well being. This is how traditional medicine works—like yoga—slowly, cumulatively, and beneath the surface. You can see miraculous results from one session, yes, but really the power is seen over time, especially as your lifestyle and habits begin to shift. (Ranty digression: this is why practitioners of traditional medicine have ‘difficulty’ in this day and age of instant result wanted. Physical disease took time to create and takes time to dissolve, people generally are impatient, fail to take accountability, and reach for the quick, symptom-level fix.)

For Jin Shin Jyutsu people, I have been using the 1, 13, 14, and Bladder flows religiously—with the Bladder being key to the improvement in Guru’s breathing. Here and there during treatment, he would make some very interesting movements with his arms and legs, appearing as if he was entering his body or as if he was trying to consciously use his limbs, maybe because he felt that he could. Either way, they were really healthy movements. Another time, as seen in this video below, these neat shocks went through his system causing him to do a kind of full body hiccup.

I mention these happenings to show you how the physical body can react when the underlying energetic pathways clear and open up.

Manav Sadhna, through the incredible organization, FreelWheelChairMission.org, provided a free wheelchair for Guru. I was so happy when it arrived because this meant he could start going outdoors and taking in new sensory input, something that was and will continue to be instrumental to his overall therapeutic process. It also meant that he could start sitting upright for portions of the day—laying down all day supine as he does, is absolutely deleterious to his health, negatively impacts his breathing, and psychologically sends the message that he is a victim.

Unfortunately, the wheelchair did not work out because Guru would cut himself on the plastic arm rests but it did at least get him out of the house on several occasions, including one special evening where he was presented to the entire community during a program. It won’t be long before we have the special CP chair that I mentioned—I am so relieved for this change because it has been difficult for me seeing him lay down all day knowing how much harm it causes.

(Note in the photo how square his hips are, they used to be twisted out to the left—this was an unexpected and amazing change.)

Last but in no way least, one of the best developments that evolved during our time together was the arising and arrival of his natural, boyish happiness. Guru responds really well to sounds. Whether it’s the sweeping outside, rice being sifted, his baby brother screaming, or us making silly noises—sounds like these always make him laugh and smile. Seeing this was a big change from the hyperventilating, scared, checked out boy that I first met. To me, his laughing and interactivity with us was a clear indication of him getting more present and trusting of landing in the here and now.

And so this update closes a major chapter on the story of my work with Guru. I want to thank you for reading, as well as for your supportive comments and for the comments on how the story has personally affected you. I will update again in a few months about his physical rehabilitation process with Vimalbhen.